Giving it back to him

I have been in a bad place

I got upset with Tex
and

then I got more upset

and

more upset

the sort of upset where you sit on your bed with a box of kleenex
and soak
tissue
after tissue

the sort of upset where you start to just

give up

I had to make excuses at work the next day for my puffy eyes

I blamed it on allergies

which

well

I'm sodden with them - it's a reasonable excuse

(and I don't think Tex knew/knows how upset I was -- until most likely just now while he's reading)

and then

well

I had a visit from D
who helped me reset my buttons

not by giving advice
just by
letting me talk
and be with someone

stemming the loneliness a bit

I let him in
and he was in charge for the night

and I remembered

that
if I'm putting myself in Tex's hands
then

this isn't my problem to solve
so

I sat down and wrote it all out
and then I lived with the email for a day
and sent it today

and
while he doesn't have a solution
(and I don't expect one)

I feel better
like

I'm doing what I'm supposed to do
which is trust him to work it out
and

if not
well
then we'll know what to do next.

sorry for the quiet readers -- but now you know

more soon

B