Ice breaker part 2

I think this is the song for my opening credits -- because there's this franticness to it.

When I think about my story -- I think about how at the beginning all the things driving my life were external  -- pushing me -- pulling me -- searching -- this song is all about others and finding things outside herself.  "I love you when I forget about me"

I want this song too -- I love a case of you -- because for me it's about being addicted to something/someone that's empty to her now -or bad for her -- and yet -- still sucks her in.

ahem -- sound like someplace I've been?

and this is the song I hope will play over the closing credits

Ice Breaker

I have the meeting with the potential FWB tomorrow

He's a very nice guy

younger -- but creative and fun

As an ice breaker I asked him about the 2 movies he can watch over and over -- in fact - -has to watch every time they're on

and he gave me one that has me scratching my head

Imagine you're scoring the movie of your life

What song is playing over the opening credits -- and what song is playing over the closing credits.

blink
blink
blink

so

here's my challenge

I'm not really all that into music

not really

I play pandora -- and I enjoy that -- but I rarely know the name of the song and go look up the name and the artist

it's more fleeting for me

Yes -- I know that's not how most people are -- but I'm rather numb to it

and the FWB guy - is hugely into music
as in

has recorded an album (nothing you would have heard -- but an album nonetheless)

and beyond that

I'm not sure what my movie is about?

I'm still in the middle of it

is it a comedy?
a rom com?
a tragedy?

a thriller? (gosh I hope not)

hard to know

so -- while I could be nervous about a first meeting
instead

I'm baffled by this question
and cramming for my test.

On homework

The Man and I have been discussing my homework

he is frustrated because he believes he is breaking it down into smaller steps so I will not notice I am being slowly brought up to heat

and I'm not doing as well

he's not frustrated with me
but rather with not being here

not being able to adjust the plan

so we are working on that

in the meantime -- today is an exhausting day

so I've been sent to bed early

for my own good
and

told I may not work on my homework tonight.

I could have had an O
but I spent my time on the phone instead

so no O for me

perhaps tomorrow morning.

The baby is struggling with allergies -- poor thing

so "bedtime" is all relative anyway

I will go suction out her nose to give her some breathing room
and see if I get that extra sleep the Man ordered.

In the meantime

I am required to maintain a FWB relationship - the Man doesn't want for him to be the only one who's getting needs met

and I've met someone that fits the bill
and we're going to see where things go

he's younger
and interesting
and fun

and perfect in that he's not someone I would ever fall for
just a nice man

so stay tuned -- we have our meeting (coffee and movies - we're focusing on Friend first) on Friday

we'll see if he gets a nickname - maybe he'll pick his own!

B

Distance

It's a long way
between where the Man and I are

in so many ways

He's so much more the sadist than I'll ever be the masochist

He's physically far

and

sometimes we're distant in other ways too

and that's more an aspect of who we are as people than anything else

that we could be a few blocks away
and still have this part

it's the part of each of us that is a bit socially awkward.

and as we figure out if we're possible or not

it's hard to overcome the distance.

and

the assignments

sometimes they make me feel closer
and sometimes even more distant.

tonight
I was on my knees
on the tile in the kitchen

forehead on the floor
plugged.

as the clock ticked by

15 slow hard minutes

and instead of feeling that I endured
that I am building a skill

I felt alone
and

distant

because sometimes?

that's just how it is.

tomorrow's assignment?

well - just as likely to make me feel warm and belonging and his

Frosty

I did get off my butt and complete my assignment

but it took some doing.

I have a friend staying in my guest room - his AC went out and he's going through a health challenge and cannot withstand the high temps we're already experiencing -- so he's crashing in my guest room.

He's one of us

but I don't think he would approve of the assignment
he might even have put his foot down

so I quietly left my room
went to the freezer

and  got the condoms

yes

plural

I had filled two - the first one was just a bit too large
so I did a second

my logic being that if I just couldn't do the small one anally I would still have the larger one for vaginal play

I had been given a choice -- but the Man recommended that I go for anal as the vaginal one might have made it too difficult to orgasm

then again -- why the hell am I believing a sadist on this one?
(shakes head)

I pulled them out of the freezer to find that the smaller one had frozen in a strange shape with a bit of a dent in it making the tip a bit smaller

Now at first I though I was to unwrap these packages and thought I would need a pile of towels but the Man made it clear that I would play with them encased -- which is better you know -because the ice starts to melt and you get a nice cushion of water around it

and no puddle

well - no WATER puddle

but you also get the bag of ice cold water that's rather difficult to hold in your ass.

and sisters - -it hurts going in
it's frozen hell

and cumming was nearly out of the question - I had to basically will myself to do it vibe on high

no dinner - no dancing -- just GETTING THERE

and was able to remove the much hated ice dildo with ice to spare after my 3 requisite O's

I question if I'm ever going to be his sort of sub
ever

but then I think about how wet and excited I was to follow this assignment

and

how it would have felt to have him there
fucking me with the ice

and I think

let's find out sub -- let's find out.

The iceman cometh

I have an assignment tonight.

the Man is trying to train me in obedience, endurance and pain tolerance.

and the assignment involves a condom filled with water and frozen (well - partially filled)
and my ass.

yeah

my ass.

until I either orgasm from masturbation 3 times
or the ice melts.

somehow I think it's going to be when the ice melts.

I have permission to wear the large plug for a big to open me up
before trying this -- so I don't just end up fighting to get it in for the whole time

and

ahem

I'm here

in bed

plugged

and stalling

yes boys and girls

I'm fucking stalling

hence the training in obedience part.

and now

I shall
stop blogging

any
second
now

and go get my ice

any

second

now....

our merry players

I do not think that I need to redub all the players -- the pixie is still the pixie

now WALKING -- oh my goodness - WALKING!

and chattering away in the other room.

I had hoped that Pixie's fate would be settled by the courts in July - -but it looks like the birth mom will have an extension.  I knew this could happen -- but hoped for a speedy end to the drama (no such luck)

and things are proceeding with the MAN.  He asked me today what moniker I chose for him on the old blog and was very amused by being "Dompossible" -- since I set his ringtone to Mission Impossible.

We are trying to see what we could be.
and

he is possibly the one - as I have said
and I have bravely admitted to him
finally

that if he and I decided to shoot for HEA (Happily Ever After)

that I would consider a move
which would be huge.

I have encouraged him to see his FWB this weekend (and he has a date) -- because we will certainly never work if being together means not seeing each other that much AND never having sex.

I have equal permission from the man -- but don't have a handy FWB these days

I do have my friend B
but don't love this experience

you wouldn't think it would be that hard for a girl to find a nice man to fuck her once in awhile.

sigh

life is strange.

So

here we are

Beatrice
the Pixie
the Man
the Man's FWB
and B

and other characters to be announced at a later date.

our merry band of players

Reinvention

And so the time has come to reinvent my blog-self -- again.

it really was time you know.

the last blog was all about finding out who I was
and being less timid about taking chances.

and

my goodness -- such chances I took!

It was a grand adventure
with
all the bumps and bruises that go along with that.

But today I am here
closing one chapter
and at the beginning of another

My first blog was about finding out that this thing that I am -- being a sub -- was ok
was normal

and the second blog (as I've said) was about finding out who I am -- what I am in the spectrum of things

and

I've discovered that some of the things that I believed about myself back when I started

aren't true any more

I believed that I wanted someone to share my world with
but not
the full commitment of a relationship that would last long term.

and

I'm starting to believe that I do want that.

In Much Ado -- Beatrice asked Benedick when he first began to suffer love for her.

and I have come to believe that my heart suffers love -- against my will -- again and again
and will continue to do so
until I find my Benedick

So although you have known me as I was Stiving for Peace

perhaps you will join me now as I accept that I am Beatrice -- buscado su Benedick (searching for her Benedick, her love)

Beatrice.