Good Night

I'm not going to worry about the technicalities of the "blog every day" edict

Yes -- it's tomorrow already
but I haven't gone to sleep yet
so I'm still calling it Friday night

I decided to go to a drive in
the weather here is very warm
and the Pixie snoozed away in her seat while I watched grown up movies

yes

by myself

but it's been so long since I've seen a movie that didn't have a TBS logo in the bottom corner

I'll pay for the late night tomorrow
but I'm glad I went

I was beginning to feel like I was under house arrest.

I hope you all had a wonderful friday

I'm off to dreamland

perhaps I'll dream of spanks

B

Charged up

The conference I have been at is done - and now I'm all charged up

well

I came home and took a nap
but AFTER THAT

I was charged up

there are many things to do -- and it's always wonderful to have that bit of a boost from peers

and

I'm charged up at

(so excited about this)

Saturday I'll be done with my punishment

yayyyyyy!

6 debits to work off

just me

and the wall

although I am now to hold 10 quarters
one with each finger

which

I might should try out

I think it'll be a bit harder than I think

oh

crap

and the plug

fuck

but soon -- I'll be at 0 Yeahs and 0 uh huhs!
for

well

a second.

Sooooo tired

Our conference is almost done

well

I'm done
(done in -- whatever)

one more day

I am missing the man
missing submission
although he gave me a toe curling O yesterday

so much what I needed

and

things are good

I wish I had deep thoughts to share here -- but I'm to tired to think them

so instead
I will say

I am crazy about that man of mine
and crazy busy

(as is he)

I did have a fantasy today that I won a drawing for a trip to DC through NPR -- and Tex and I met there for a vacation when the cherry blossoms are in bloom

4 days in DC

4 days anywhere

would be divine.

Good Day

I had a really good day today

at work

I had a big win -- that made me look awesome
and I needed that
what's even better is a VP gave me credit for the win
publicly

so much better than being a cautionary tale

and

UPS came through

Tex put the wrong address but they found me

and

oh it's just lovely

I had asked him for something small that I could keep on me
as a talisman or a touchstone

I imagined a keychain
or
a bookmark even

a stone from his yard would have been unusual
but would have fit the bill

but

instead

I got a lovely necklace

that I can't stop touching

no man has given me a gift
in a very very long time

and I'm struck
yet again

that he's a wonderful man
and we're lucky to have found each other.

Dear UPS

you suck UPS
my package is much delayed
you need a time-out.

Love,

B

(ps-- do you think they will get here faster now that I'm attacked them with my deadly-haiku-skills?)

Bad Blogger

I haven't read anyone's blog in ages

well

except for Jz's -- and that's because she had a hysterical photo of a naked woman and an elephant and I had to comment.

and then I thought

I wonder what happens if you google naked (insert other animals here)

and I got

and then I googled "naked giraffe"

and um

well -- I'm not porn-y enough to post any of those

Procrastination

I am a horrible procrastinator

There is a long list of tasks I need to get done

and

I just don't want to do them

nope

I don't

I am justifying this by pointing out to myself that some of the things on my list are things that don't really have to be done

I don't HAVE to bake a bunch of cookies and cupcakes for the bake sale

I can buy them

and I may just do that

because doing those things just adds "reclean the kitchen" to the list of tasks

and puts cookie dough in my house

the laundry of course must be done -- and will be

I am about to be super busy at a conference -- which means getting the baby and I packed to live at my parents for most of a week

***
yes

buying that crap sounds better and better.

Valentines

I am ashamed to say that I do think Valentines are important

My Ex ignored Valentine's day
and I liked to pretend that I was above such things - that it didn't bug me

but it did

This year -- I sent Tex something small that he could keep in his pocket
and

asked him
for something like that
small
that would be just between us
that I could have with me
a touchstone

it hasn't come  yet

neither of us got our Valentines out in time for the day
and that doesn't bug me one bit

but

mine is coming

most likely tomorrow
UPS

and

I'm not allowed to open it

it's going to sit on my table
and scorch it
as I try to burn through the package with my eyes
or
shake it

weigh it

peer into the crack in the envelope

until we get to be online together
on Sunday
or Monday

sadist.

Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock

I am seriously gagging for a shag.

and yes

I could have asked permission from Tex to play with the Man

but

I was too under the weather

and

frankly
I just miss my man

we're not catching up with each other lately

work is in our way
and other things

but I just want
him right here

between my legs

on top of me

behind me

A
B
C
or
D-- all of them above

hopefully we'll catch up

before I combust.

Vacant

Sometimes you're head is just buzzing with ideas
that you can't wait to get down

and sometimes

well - I wonder that this thing on my shoulder's doesn't sound like the ocean when you hold it up to your ear

I should have something to write about

I've reconnected with the Man -- who I used to feel so much for -- but now have settled into a comfortable friendship --

he wanted to play

I declined

not just because I don't have permission
and am inches away from an asthma attack

but because
I didn't feel the need to

perhaps next time

I'll talk it over with Tex -- see what he thinks of the whole thing

***

and Pixie and I had a challenging day -- that culminated with her pulling a glass cookie jar down onto the floor in an explosion of glass (with not one single scratch on her)

leaving me to pick up tiny shards all night
while I shoved my heart back into my chest

****

but

no deep thoughts on either

a desire for a good night's sleep

and a warm chest to rest my head on -- miles away tonight

but no deep thoughts

tomorrow is another day.

My friend -- the man

There was a time when I was hopeful that the Man and I would have a future -- but he decided to focus on what was close to home for him

and I am happy for him

he and the Ex are reconciling
and she is trying to see if she can be a sub

and no

I don't hold out much hope for her journey
but

I do want what is best for both of them

we had dinner tonight
at my place

and it was nice

we have settled into a good friendship - that has the potential for a FWB without anyone getting led on or hurt

but not at the moment

because SOMEONE
(I won't name names)

doesn't have the lung capacity for anything more than a snuggle

I am improving
bit by bit

but not as fast as I would like

baby steps

 -- so

blog completed -- just in the nick of time before the gallons of medicine kick in and make me to a face plant onto my keyboard

B

stalling night 2 of the Netipot

...and with a bit of writers block

my world has been pills

and kleenex

and diapers

and mmmm dark chocolate milano cookies with salted pretzel tops

but I digress

life is a bit dull

I'm working through the bumps at work

and slowly on the mend

missing him

but 

also

used to having a day on

and a day off

a friend is coming to dinner tomorrow night

which I'm looking forward to

not that I expect there to be more than that

but I am nostalgic for his company

and I am

again

enjoying the sound

of nothing

no heater running

just

the sound of my fingers on the keys

and

my clock ticking

and a car rumbling by on the street

Spring is nearly here

as my nose will attest

and while I cringe for those of you who still wield the snowshovels

the winter is nearly done here

and it's time

to enjoy

the quiet again.

Next stop - witchdoctor

I am SO OVER feeling sick

I went so far as to buy a fucking neti-pot and rinse my sinuses

the voice is back
but for how long?
hard to say

once the steroids are out of my system -- all bets are off.

I've doubled my allergy meds -- by combining Zyrtec and Singulair

and I've even gone to the Muscinex cold medicine
which tastes vaguely of mangos and licorice (and no, NOT in a good way)

I expect to be a desiccated husk by morning

but hopefully one who hasn't coughed up a lung

******
on the flip side
had a great day with Pixie at the park

yes

still went out
my vertical hours aren't all that bad
it's the horizontal ones (and the hours after I wake up)
that are miserable

a good time was had by all
(grandparents and my bro in tow)

night all

there's time for acupuncturists and chiropractors and witchdoctors tomorrow.

Red Thumb Reminder

Last week one of our blog sisters shared a story called Red Thumb Reminder  Now I'll normally ignore these

or

listen to a few minutes

but this one hit home

you see

I have a confession to make

I text and drive

I like to pretend that I don't

but I do

I usually wait until I'm stopped at a light to actually type

but I look at my phone way too much.

and I need to stop

period

so

I painted my right thumb red

so that every time I pick up my phone

and unlock it

I can see

my one red nail

telling me

to

STOP

and the results -- one week in

much reduce

very much reduce

less and less each day

more

pick up the phone

see it

put it down

will I stop completely?

hard to say

but come monday it gets another coat of paint.

Worse before i am better

Another shot
More drugs
Much more sleep

Tex is kid ridden
But in a good way

And i am off to bed

Night all
(blows nose and rides off into the sunset)

Good Night Ladies

I do love to talk

if you've met me in person you know

I live to talk

so

you can imagine how thrilled I am to have lost my voice again

AGAIN

Here it can't decide if it's winter or spring which has thrown my allergies into a tizzy
and

my little cough yesterday
was racking coughs all night

and a squeaky voice today

which

was not good because I had to interview a bunch of people today
and give 2 presentations to large groups requiring me to project my voice

and

by 330 it was gone

well

not entirely true -- I can make strange sounds -- and can force words out
through a sheer effort of will

I left work early
and called an ENT

they can get me in March 4th

as I squeaked my assent
she asked me for my insurance information

"Can I email it to you?" I asked

"no -- she responded"

seriously?
well - thank God you chose the right profession -- I would hate for all that compassion and human kindness to go to waste!

so I croaked out

My name (which must be spelled)
and date of birth
and my Social Security Number
my ID number
my 16 digit Group number
my address
and phone number

as she asked each question in a meeker and meeker tone
belated realizing that she was using the last of my voice
perhaps for days
because she couldn't wait 5 minutes for me to email her
from my phone.

I'm glad I got some quality time with Tex yesterday
as squeaks and clicks are all he would get today

oh

unless he just wants me to flash him

what do you think Tex?
a flash?

Good Night all of you
I'll be back chattering away before you know it.

Because you're worth it

L'Oreal Paris can kiss my ass

I love their hair color -- but my brand is nearly impossible to find and the color I use even harder.

I found some on Amazon
although most of the shades are$13.99 (highway robbery for grocery store color) -- my shade is $26.99

seriously?

Medium Golden Brown?

WHY?

it made me think of this scene from Zombieland where one of the characters is on a quest for the last box of twinkles in the world.

meanwhile

I'm faced with horrible roots and will have to decide if it's worth it to spend $15 in gas driving from store to store hunting for it instead

********
but
you want to know if I got my punishment

and yes

I did

and the sadist Tex decided that the plug needed to be frozen prior to use

giving me something to think about against my wall

I did not ask to have an orgasm afterwards
I would love a heating pad though

(BRRRR)

I'm happy to be close to done with my punishment - -with only one more 15 minute session left to go (if I can keep my mouth from writing checks my ass literally doesn't want to pay.

and now it's time to curl back up again
ass now free of the frozen cone from hell

and imagine he's curled around me
while I defrost my ass on his cock
and make him rethink the ice plug.

B

Demon Possession.

Mr. C posted this on FB

I'll leave you all to make your own commentary.

ahem.

crazy

seriously

employees are acting like lunatics

LUNATICS

and while it keeps it from being boring

it makes me want to take 150 chairs and find 150 corners for each of them to have a fucking time out

idiots

and

for the love of God -- stop touching each other

sigh

of course you're wondering if I got my punishment

but no

Tex is quiet - -perhaps on the phone
or tied up with something

so I'm taking me to bed
and those Yeahs will come off another day

nightnight

Thank you Daddy

Tex informed me that I have more debt to work off

and it thrills me
to have him tell me
instead of me ask to work it off

I get that he likes it the other way and why
but it's good to be told too

and tomorrow
with the large (ok Tex -- not super large but large) glass plug in
he'll text me with some additional instructions

which I know I will find chilling

mean man

mean mean man

just my type
but mean nonetheless

a good run up to Valentine's day

I'll have my wall
and my quarters
and the too big plug

and hopefully will be down to 5 debits

by this time tomorrow.

Beef Stew with Red Wine (not Beef Bourguignon)

INGREDIENTS

tablespoons olive oil 

3 

pounds lean stew beef, cut into 2-inch cubes

1 

onion, sliced

2 chopped carrots

Salt 

2 

tablespoons flour

2 - 3 

cups red wine, young and full bodied

Italian seasoning

1 

tablespoon sundried tomato paste

1 small can diced tomatoes (fire roasted were nice)

5 

cloves whole garlic in their papers

1 onion chopped
2 cups beef broth
1 package (or sheet) gelatin (unflavored)

3 - 4 small red potatoes chopped

1 carrot chopped

3 1/2 

tablespoons butter

1 

pound fresh mushrooms, quartered

cornstarch to thicken

DIRECTIONS

• Heat fat in casserole until almost smoking. Dry beef in paper towels - salt beef slightly; it will not brown if it is damp. Add beef, a few pieces at a time, and brown until nicely browned on all sides. In the same fat, brown the onions and carrots. Pour out the excess fat.
• Deglaze the pan with the red wine -- add the meat and veg and canned tomatoes with a bit of sun dried or regular tomato paste add italian seasoning.  Add enough water to bring the level of liquid about 2/3 up the side of the meat -- the meat should be in one layer if possible.  Braise covered  in the oven for about 3 hours - checking partway through to make sure that you don't have too much evaporation 
• pick out the meat and strain the sauce.  Refrigerate overnight.  
• The next day brown onions, celery, carrots and mushrooms - set aside.  Parcook the potatoes for 2 minutes in water that barely covers -- add all the ingredients in with 2 - 3 cups of broth and simmer.  If you want a richer flavor - dissolve the gelatin in a 1/4 cup of cold beef broth and add to the pot - it makes a huge difference.   -- thicken with cornstarch -- serve with noodles
• Seriously impress your mom.

Stuck

I'm stuck at blogging tonight
I had some thoughts last night
some lovely subby thoughts after talking to my man

but now

I'm sitting here
watching The Walking Dead

and the coals of my fire die out

my dishes are washed
my dinner -- a huge success -- eaten with left overs awaiting me tomorrow

and hopefully a bit of time on the phone with my man again tonight

There are times when I feel like all I do is wait
that all I do is defer the time when things will be settled

but really

what is life
but the time in-between

the journey is not just the big events
but the time waiting in-between

in fact perhaps that's more of what life is.

and if we spend all of our time feeling like the waiting time is wasted
if we don't value what we have when we have it

worrying that we might never get what we're waiting for

then

we miss out.

Saturday

Miss Cranky pants is asleep after a very short squawk time

she didn't want to nap at Nana and Papa's house -- and fell asleep in the car on the way to the liquor store

yes -- I poked up the toddler in the foot to keep her awake so mommy could buy some vodka.

it'll take me a year to use it -- but on occasion I would like a cocktail

she didn't really get a nap at all
and was super cranky all afternoon

although give Pixie props - she actually pet a puppy today and didn't have a meltdown -- we're making PROGRESS!

Now - I'm faced with a dirty kitchen and a pile of laundry -- and have a goal to finish it all up in the next hour -- my Beef Burgandy (no I'm not going to write it in French) has turned into something else as I am lacking some of the ingredients -- and is in the oven getting ready for something strange and delicious tomorrow (no beef broth - so I turned it italian and added tomatoes and rosemary and garlic)

a febile fire burning in the fireplace

and a dinner of orange juice and cheez-its.

it's a good day

in spite of it all

tomorrow begins a new week and I can put the rotten week behind me

Happy Saturday night to all

B

Rotten fucking week

And

Yay!!!!

it's over

hooray!

it's times like this I wish I drank

but

the weekend is here
and the temps will warm up

and next week - is a new week.

Tex? -- does this count as blogging today?
I think it counts

let's see - maybe 50 words

platypus
platypus
platypus
platypus

Sometimes it's not about me

I met with D last night
and

this time it was about him

which is fair
last time I met with him it was all about me
I was a mess and needed some pampering

all the stress from Pixie's case

and

yesterday it was about him

and

it was surprisingly vanilla

nice

but very vanilla

he got a good massage
and a bj
and some missionary style sex

and

that was it.

but before you start playing the violin for my tragedy

at the end of it
I did have a lot of what I needed

I needed to take care of someone
and that's one of the things that's hardest in this Long Distance thing

I can obey

but can I serve?

I get little chance to do that
and no chance to pamper

I miss it

so

I got a bit of my itch scratched
and it'll hold me over
for now.

Tempest in a teacup

I got worked up last night

and before I knew it I was in tears
that tears that wouldn't stop

and while Tex wanted to know what was bothering me
what was bothering me didn't match my reaction

which made it blow out of proportion

so

we've talked
well - I wrote it out
because I wanted to be clear
and didn't want another emotional outburst
when there were really just some things I needed to say

and
I won't say it's all better

but we understand each other

and that's more important than a perfect tied in a bow solution

tonight I have a date with D
which will be good for me

because at least part of my problem is sheer loneliness for plain old human touch

B

Frustration

sometimes I want to write things that I can't write because you're reading it.

there

I said it

sometimes you get in my way Tex!

and

I like that you read it
but
I don't like that I can't always get my feelings out

because

sometimes

well

sometimes my feelings are just mine and I want to say them and try them out and see how they sound
before I express them
and

it's hard not having my blog to myself all the time

***

I know you want me to write my thoughts and feelings out
and

that's what this space is supposed to be for

so today
I'm telling you that sometimes giving over this bit of control is hard
and no

I don't expect my submission to be easy all the time

today it's not

****

now

my instinct is to delete this
which I'm not supposed to do
so

I'm going to be a good girl
and hit Publish

and be done

with my snit

B

Debits and credits

If you were staring at my blog tonight
hitting refresh every few minutes

admit it

you're doing that now

stop it

stop

nothing's going to change right now

you can just read

....

ok -- back now?

...

If you were watching you would have noticed my yeah and uh-huh counter go from

13 & 1

down to 8 & 1

and then

rats

back to 9 & 1

because I yeahed myself back up just a few minutes after my assignment was done

sigh

sometimes that's how it is.

I feel like I'm doing a better job with the rules
but
then again - I would have to
and some rules

I'm just always going to break

because I live in a world of Yeahs and Uh-Huhs -- and I'm always going to have a slip or two

and perhaps he likes it that way

who knows what goes on in the Dom-mind

speaking of which

I did ask today
how he thinks things are going
because

sometimes I worry
and
I hate that

I want to be cooler than I am

(laughs)

don't we all.

A swing and a miss

Tex is driving home (although by now he may be at his house - watching DVRed Super Bowl) --

but while he was driving home I gave him a proposition

that we Skype during the game

I had this picture of us

him with his computer facing him - as if I were looking up at him
and

mine up above me
looking down

not visiting
just

watching the game together
with me at his feet

now

I realize that his is not his ideal game watching scenario

but it's a fun fantasy for me
watching a game I would not watch
with him over my shoulder

perhaps during a commercial
asking if I may get up to go to the bathroom

or check on the baby

I smiled when he didn't acknowledge the idea
because

it's sort of a trap

to say yes would make him do what he would rather not
and to say no would be rejecting his girl's idea

so better this way

but a fun thought for me

I have a strong desire to do things with him
even when we cannot

*******
in the meantime -- the Pixie has been WOUND UP today

I've rewarded this by an early night night

which she does not appreciate as the fine parenting that it is.

perhaps I'm like a great artist -- not to be appreciated in herown time

someday you'll thank me Pixie
someday

********
until then
enjoy your game
or as I will

my crafting

which I may do sitting on the floor at his feet
even without the Skype.

Bad patient

So Tex and I have not had the chance to talk
but I'm not going to take all that medicine that they gave me

it was overkill and I don't need it.

Tex is going to be cross with me --

but

(aside conversation)

Tex , Daddy -- I feel so much better -- and I don't need to put piles of medicine in me -- I just need another good night's sleep - and I promise that if I start to feel worse I'll take all the medicine right away -- so -- please please please don't make me take piles of meds -- please?

(conversation over)

it's not Tex's fault we haven't talked
he has a house of kids in the house this weekend

and then of course tomorrow is Super Bowl

(Holy crap - -I actuallly typed Super Bowel -- ahem)

I'm not sure I've mentioned it - -but I love that he has kids in his life
and they're a huge part of his life

it makes it feel more balanced between us

There is a chance of  talk tonight

I have a pile of housework to do
(3 days of no chores done -- it is out of control)

and hopefully a man
wrapping me around his fingers

Have a wonderful night
(it turns yucky here again tomorrow!)

B