Where Beatrice admits that she's just a romantic fool

Tex and I had a text chat today

I told him I was struggling to put my finger on what's wrong with my FWB

I like the man
I'm attracted to him
I like talking to him
and he cares about me

but that deep connection
that submissive feeling
that

God

What is it?
bond?
that thing that binds me to him

isn't there

and

I find the roughness
the
same things I might find delicious from Tex

I find them
nearly intolerable

it's not technique
it's that my heart isn't in it

Why does it work with D instead?

well

for one

there's less D and more S in our D/s
there's a gentleness to it

but it's more than that
we have a lot of history D and I
and

He loves me in his way
and I love him in mine

there's a closeness

and while I crave the closeness
the touch

without the rest of it

I feel empty
and

I don't think I want to try to make something like that work for me any more

perhaps I am just a romantic fool

in fact

I know I am

I am who I am

I have learned what it is to love with my whole heart
and less
doesn't appeal to me anymore.