Asking

I hate asking
it feels

bratty and demanding

and yet

how do we expect them to know what we want?
how do we expect them to know that we want to be with them
want more time

if we do not say so

and so

I have made clear that I want a visit
soon

and

we are working on making it happen

it's been a rough year for it
so much up in the air for both of us
and everything with us so new

I think that we met too soon and neither of us wanted to wait
and so we wait with each other

and

hope it will be enough
and

most of the time it is

we drift a bit apart
and then we pull back together

I worry that I've been in this spot before
believing that things will work out
but not having them work out
because he didn't want it as much as I did

and I work to remind myself that just because it describes the past
does not mean that it is my future

and so I ask.

and

while I cringe a bit at posting this

first because I don't want him to think that I'm freaking out

and second
because I don't really relish the thought of the kibitzing that is bound to come from the readers

I am bound by my word to blog as I would normally blog
and have faith that he not only can handle it

but most likely -- already knows where my head is at

and I don't know about the other bloggers -- but blogging things out always makes me feel better

my literary enema

so
yes -- I have asked
and

we shall see.