Beatrice the Counselor

I will get to the questions later on

well

maybe

I'm sure Tex will want me to answer at least some of them

I had dinner tonight with my BFF -- who is getting married in the Fall - we had a dress fitting and a dinner out

and

well

I think I staged an intervention of a type

I told her that I was concerned that they don't seem to be resolving important issues such as control of money, who does what around the house, sex and personal boundaries

and that after listening to her talk for several months -- it's clear to me that they are really just having one fight

She is saying "you don't listen to me"
and
He is saying "you don't appreciate me"

and

they're both right

but they're not fighting the same fight.

I challenged her to get with her premarital counselor and ask her to help them to learn to fight effectively

and

I also challenged her this Lent -- to tell him something she loved or appreciated about him -- every single day (and ideally not to let him know that she was doing this)

I don't know if she'll do it

but I hope she will

It was liberating to be able to say to her:  I think that you are on the path to having a great ex-husband who'll be terrific with the kids.

of course

it's always easier to give advice than to take it
it was a good dinner
a hard dinner for her a bit
but good for her too
she kept saying, "you're the only one I can talk to like this"

apparently her family just tells her that he's a great guy and not to drive him away (blah blah blah)

so now

it's time for me to butt out
and see what happens

and hope that she can take a few things from my advice and make them work for her.

night all

B

(miss you Tex!)