When he's about to be less available he thinks more about my control
hmm
HIS control?
whatever
this time as he prepared to be out of pocket for a few days
he asked me about an app called Hemisphere
which would allow him to see where I am all the time
well
my phone
which is the same thing
which makes me squirm
in good and bad ways
all at the same time
I tell him where I am anyway
but it's an extra layer
a shorter leash
I've had a few days to think about it
and
I am still in the same place
liking it
and struggling with it
as every step deeper is for me
today is one of the harder days
because
I'm at the point of separation when I start to feel that he doesn't care if I communicate or not
the dangerous point
when I might start to get lax
I start to think I'm a bother
that he doesn't really notice or care
that I'm submitting into thin air
not the best place to be
and yet
talking about it here helps
it helps to write it
to know that he'll read it
to acknowledge the neediness
so I can put it back in its box.
First time commenting here. From what I've read here and in some of your other posts, it sounds like you are the one initiating the communication with Tex. Just wondering, does he ever initiate it with you, or are you expected to be the one to do it all the time? I'm thinking that, if he were to contact you from time to time, you would feel more secure and less like a bother to him.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your concern -- actually Tex contacts me quite a bit -- at least as often as I do him -- he's just out of contact for a few days which I hate. On average, I hear from him 4 - 5 times a day -- so on days when that drops to 0 -- I hate it.
ReplyDeleteOn these days I send emails -- and he replies back when he's back in the world again.
B
Tex must be cottaging or duck dynasty-ing and therefore out of cellphone and wireless range. It is hard to be out of touch when you are used to all those little touches all day long.
Delete-sin
Oh, and I HATE the idea of that phone app that tells someone where I am. But my friends are here for the holidays and they love it. He can tell where she is, so the other day when she got lost while she was running, he went and got her. Sweet.
ReplyDelete