today

I like having to blog every day
but sometimes it's tough too

it's tough to talk about how I feel
when I'm not sure myself

today

today was a good day at work
it started off frenzied but ended with some good news
some good news that was a long time in coming

today was a day when the to do list overwhelmed me a bit
and made me want to crawl into a hole and close it up after me

today was a great day with Pixie
who can now pick me out of a photo and exclaim
"mama mama!"
because "mama" has been a confusing term for her  -- so many women claim that name

today I want him
I want him so badly I'm jittery from it
and he's so far from me

there's no date on the calendar
and today I want a countdown
clicking away
no matter how big the number starts out

today I want to sit at his feet
and lean my head on his knee

or take him into my mouth
and slowly make his eyes roll up into his head
and say, "good girl"

I want to wash him in the shower
and I want to rub him down and ease away his day

today I want it all

and

instead
I will roll yarn into balls
and finish this blog
and crawl into bed
until tomorrow
becomes today