New Years

I sort of hate New Years

there's the expectation of FUN with a capital F that irritates me

the reality is that it's never as much fun as it's supposed to be
and it's mostly filled with loud drunk people and disappointment

I tend to treat it as any other day

that being said

I do find it a bit lonely

what I want
is what I used to have with my ex husband

(WHAAAATTTT?????? -- you MISS something about him -- no fucking way!)

well

it's true

New Years we would stay up late and play backgammon and watch movies
we would have a carpet picnic and hang out and enjoy each other's company

and then sleep in the next day
and maybe go out to the movie

low expectations
that we always exceeded.

when I look towards my future
this is what I want

I want someone that I have that rich level of comfort with
that wants to spend time with me

playing a game
or making dinner
or taking care of each other

I want the deep richness of spending long nights curled up with each other on the sofa

I want the bear skin rug
and the fireplace
and long quiet talks about the future in the dark

I want the passion
and the honestly
and the intimacy

you can keep the champagne and the chocolates and roses and dancing

give me a night
with my man
in my hands.