Biting off more than I can chew

So the purging is slow going -- I've amended my goals appropriately.

I am a packrat
and I'm going to turn over a new leaf on it this year

but it's a struggle

and I can understand how hoarding happens
and

no

I'm not a hoarder -- not by any means

but there's a feeling of "oh - -I can use that" that's hard to beat
a frugality in my bones

I have a pile of Tshirts that I an turn into a rag rug which are now sitting in a pile
and mountains of craft materials

but I am slowly working through it

and fighting the urge to save things I neither need nor want

just because I might use them someday in an alternate reality

and part of my problem today is that I'm feeling a bit melancholy
I feel isolated and alone today

things haven't been the same since my best friend moved away a few years ago
you know

best friends don't come along every day

and tonight
I have no plans
not that it's a huge deal

I don't much like NYE
but the plans I did have fell through and I'm a bit sad about it

it's sapped some of my motivation

and yet

when I stop
and think about 12 months ago today
where I was

what I was doing

I was disconnecting from an unfortunate encounter with a Dom who ended up being a bit nuts
blocking him from my phone in fact

I was still waiting and beginning to lose hope that I would ever get a placement

and cried my way into the new year

not this year

I have a man I love that I am filled with hope about

I have good friends who support me
and a few who are wonderful lovers to tide me over

and I am within sight of my goals with Pixie
and on the heels of my first Christmas with a baby in my home

happiness isn't a far reaching goal
when I quiet down
and look around

it's here
all around me
right now.