Disappointment and acceptance

Tex and I talked about the holiday and most likely he will not be able to come to where I live in December.

and

I was disappointed

of course I was
and

let's be clear
Tex never said he was coming
he mentioned it as a possibility
and I ran with it

so
any fantasy I had about time together at that time
was all on me.

but

still

disappointing

because sometimes I just want it all now
I want him here
and I want us to have whatever it is we're going to have NOW

I'm impatient

even illogically so

because if he called me today and said he was on his way?
I'm not all that free
being in the middle of the adoption with Pixie

I want both things simultaneously

I want him here
NOW
and I want him to be patient
and available when I will be
and
I want to fast forward

and when I put my brain back into gear
I can accept

that this is just where we are
and

I can either bemoan what I don't and can't have
or

I can love every moment of where we are now