On Love

It has been said
not
obliquely -- as I have been

but directly

and

due to being ordered

I missed my O last night
I collapsed into sleep -- I've been stressed and not sleeping well

and missed my O

so

I asked for a makeup O this morning

and was surprised by the message on my phone that said

"You may on one condition"
"As you are cumming, you will call out 'I love this man and I am going to be his whore'"

and then he teased me a bit

"you can close your mouth now"
"and wipe that grin off your face"

I have not wanted to say it
I have not wanted him to feel awkward about whether to say it as well if he does not

I know that I have loved him for some time
too soon as well
I always love too soon

and too much

and he has not said it back
nor did I expect he would

I worry that in time
it will hurt that he has not
and hope that he will at some point
love me as I do him
and tell me so

He tells me that he will continue to take more and more over
until he controls it all

and
I struggle with it

I struggle with why he would want that
and why I would want that

I hold some dear things close to me
and think
"ok -- but not THESE things - THESE things are mine"
and I wonder how I will someday put it all in his hands
and

trust that he will choose all the things that are designed to make me happy
as I would choose those things that will make him happy

and he asked
"do you know what it will make you when I take it all"
and
tells me
"you will be my slave - and you will be happy"
and

I think I shall
when we get there

but for now
I will focus on today
and where I am now

I love this man
and I am going to be his whore

and

he is going to be mine
as I am his.