Superstition and Hope

The holidays are coming and it's hard to not let my imagination run off with me

something I try not to do

I try not to picture Pixie opening presents
or
discovering the tree

because I think it's bad luck

I think it's bad luck
or tempting fate at least
to get rid of clothes and toys she's outgrown
or any of the previous kiddos have outgrown

as if there would be some sort of karmic bitchslap if I were to have the audacity to decide I won't need some of it again

I won't allow myself to think too far ahead

but I have flashes
where it occurs to me

that someday I'll buy her first bike
and teach her to ride it

and

someday we'll have the first day of school
and
the first date

the first heartbreak

I brush the thoughts away as fast as they come
and mentally knock wood

I should be thinking about her name
as there will be some sort of change

but instead

I'll keep my eyes
firmly on my feet

and focus where we are right now
store away all the old junk -- just in case

for

today

and let tomorrow come when it's due