Journalling

I've decided to start writing Pixie's story
well
and my story
OUR story

I considered typing it
or
blogging it
but decided on pen and ink

a book

while its all fresh
while I remember it as it is
written to an older Pixie
and adult Pixie

our own time machine

me traveling forward
she traveling back

I know I would want to read it if I were her
to know what my mom was thinking all those years ago

if I'm still around a peek into her
and if I'm not
a taste of a mom that is gone that I'll never have back

how can I not give her what I can of me
what I can of her bio mom and dad
even if it's not pretty

as I started to write it
I had to apologize to her
because
I can't tell it all in one go
I can't tell it all on day one
I have to find a way to tell it
to be honest
but
unbiased

I have to
it sounds funny

but I have to find my voice with her
and that will take some time to get to know her in the pages

future her

so

day by day
I want to share where she is now
and what I know

what it took to get here on my journey
and what it continues to take as we finish our journey into becoming family