Tick tick tick - vanilla update

We go to court on Monday

they tell me the case may take a week -- and they hope it won't last longer -- it's a jury trial -- so part of that time will be jury selection

and

they may want me to testify

which

I have agreed to do if my name can be kept confidential
because I do not trust the birth parents to honor the termination

I believe they would do anything to get her back

anything

The Caseworker agrees with me and said that if they grant a goodbye visit that she plans to have a police officer present

I may even bring my own cop-friend with me to go pick her up

but I am getting ahead of myself

which is unwise.

I need to take the next few days and look

at

my

feet.


straight down

focusing only

on

today

now

this moment

and nothing else

people keep asking me how you do this

and this is how it's done

eyes

on

the next step

ONLY

so last night when I had my date with D

that's what it was about for me
shutting everything else out

for an hour

Tex has offered me the same on Sunday

I joked that I can always "yeah" it up
and he teased back

that I don't have to be in trouble for him to refocus me

any time I want

HE gets it

I need

to just look
at the next step

or

at the wall 1 inch from my face

as the case may be.