Doodling

Sometimes I sort of doodle his name on my notebook

not literally

but in my imagination

I'm taking apart the old wooden highchair that my parents used for me
and redoing it for the Pixie
well - it's a long shot - but I'm going to try.

 - but the chair can we sanded - reglued - and varnished
it will slide nicely up to the table so Pixie can join the family

I imagine doing it myself
but I also imagine him right beside me
helping me to glue and strap it together

or coming in to admire my work

I imagine sitting with the Pixie at my table
but I also imagine us all together at the table
having dinner
living life

It's a fantasy

a way to try things on

and it feels good to try them on
sweet

to try on serving him
and integrating him into my life as it is now.

He is working his way into all of my daydreams
and into my dreams at night

doodling all over me as well