Exhausted

It was a hard week at work
and

Bennie wore me out yesterday - in a good way.  It's been a long time since I have been with anyone who was dominant in that way

I've forgotten how tiring it is

a preview of next weekend.

I am trying to get my head around it

because it's been a very long time since I've been with a man for an extended period of time

I loved M deeply
but looking back

I invested a huge amount in him
while he kept me in a very small corner

never coming to see me
and giving me only a short number of hours together

I have sold myself short

I have wanted to make things work too much

that can be a challenge -- can't it?

you want to put all you can into making things work with someone
but you have to make sure that you're not the only one with any skin in the game.

and I really feel like this time
I am working with someone who's just as much in it as I am
who wants it all
and

I'm stunned and amazed by it
and so
very grateful that I'm trying this with him

and taking a chance again.