What's on my mind

He wants me to say what's on my mind

but

 

what's on my mind is that I want to throw caution to the wind

tell him that I love him already

and that I want that love to grow

 

and I'm not going to say that it doesn't matter if he loves me back

because it does matter

I do want it

even though it's not fair to expect him to be where I am at the same time

 

He wants me to ask for what I want

but

 

I want to give him all that I am

to surrender

to put myself in his hands

 

even though I'm not ready for it

that I fear that I will break

that I fear that he will mistake my wanting it for saying I'm ready for it

 

that the distance makes me too hard to read.

 

I want to trust him by a leap of faith

putting trust in him

 

closing my eyes

and walking straight forward towards him

knowing that he will put my happiness first

and will not let me step off the cliff

 

and focusing only on what will make him happy

because that will ensure my happiness too

 

I want to be brave

and make him proud